When I first created this blog and named it, I had intended for it to be used for photography. A place to post images, ideas, etc. What is it they say about roads and intentions? And the irony of the name. Perhaps I was too presumptive, there as well. "Not Quite Yet Focused" would have been more apropos.
So, fast forward a few months until now. Given the circumstances, my blog title is now appropriate, yet my subject matter has changed into something quite different.
I am about to embark on a journey. Yes, I realize how corny that statement is, but I am. It' a journey a long time coming, one that I've struggled with for most of my life, but one that I need to desperately make. However now is the time and I am not going to miss my chance.
On October 13th I will be meeting for the first of 6 monthly appointments that will lead up to weight loss surgery. I received a phone call today that I am indeed a candidate and can begin the program. I have already made the needed calls to insurance, met with HR of my employer and most of all, made a BIG decision. I intend to have
Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass Surgery in the spring of 2010. My Surgery will be done at
Magee Women's Hospital and performed by
Dr. Anita Courcoulas. Why am I going down this route? In all honesty, because I'm scared. I'm scared to die. Given my family history and the myriad of problems I have had in the last few years, I am going down a path I do NOT want to be on. I am tired of feeling this way, and I am also tired of failure when I try to diet. I will have temporary success but nothing long term or impacting enough that I can keep it off. Exercise is so difficult for me right now because of how bad my knees/hips/back/ankles feel due to all this excess weight. I enjoy it when I can do it, but I just HURT. I need to get over a hurdle here so that I see the results and I need to change and overhaul my entire lifestyle. Having a real physical restriction is, in my opinion, the best thing for me right now.
I did not come by this decision lightly. I've been reading and researching it for several years. My friend (who has had the surgery) forwarded an email to me that I sent her asking for details back in Sept 2006. I kept telling myself "I can just diet" or "I can just exercise more" clearly -- I cannot. I have talked extensively with friends and others who have had weight loss surgery. I am a member of an online support community which has been very eye opening. I have done my homework. :)
Do I think this will be easy. Oh. HELL. NO. This is no easy way out. My ass is going to work for it, and going to need a lot of support to keep me on track and not sway me from my goal. I'm one determined bitch on wheels and know I can do it, though. I intend to use the surgery as a tool to get me to that goal. It's going to be a huge help, but I'm the one in the driver seat here. My decisions and my actions are what will ultimately cause me success or failure. And I do not intend to fail. I've done enough of that on my own!! I need to be here for my amazing husband and my wonderful kids. I want to live a long, full, and ACTIVE life with them!!
This blog will serve as a journal. Not only will I documents successes and failures, along with, but also a way for me to keep track of my feelings and thoughts. This is as much a psychological metamorphasis as it is a physical one. It will also serve to help my family and friends so that they might see and understand what I'm going through both physically and mentally. I want it to also help others who might be thinking about this sort of surgery.
So, yeah, that's what's new in my world and what will likely be a huge focus for me for the next few months. I want to do this right. I WILL need your help. Please be understanding when I say "No, thank you" or "I cannot eat that". It's not about you... it's about me taking care of me. I have WAY too much to live for in this fabulous life. :)
