Meeting #1

So, last night I had my first Lifestyle meeting and way in for the GB surgery over at Magee Hospital. After some initial confusion on where I had to go, I got to the center and checked in with one of the Nutritionists, Noelle. I was given an accordion style folder and she instructed to take a seat, read through the packet, complete Module 1 and someone would be with me shortly to take my stats.

I settled in and started working on my packet which contained a weight log and goal sheet that I am to bring back monthly, a food log. a food guide, a pedometer (which is quite nice, I must admit), a few other informational sheets with the meeting schedule and contact information on them, and the infamous Module 1. I no sooner get these out of the packet and stacked in the empty chair next to me when Melinda, the other nutritionist, calls my name for weigh-in.

I walk back and I'm nervous. I don't know why. I know how much I weigh, I weighed myself the night before. She deals with people my size and much larger on a daily basis. Nevertheless that sinking feeling of confirmation that I truly am a fat person never goes away. Melinda is quick and efficient. She cracks a couple jokes with me as we finish up the rest of my information and we head back to the waiting area where I can delve into Module 1.

Module 1 is all about planning a balanced diet. Making sure you get the proper portions of food, and also the right ratios of Vegetable, Fruits, Lean Meats, Starches and Fats. My activity is to plan an ideal daily meal plan that is between 1400-1800 calories and encompasses the rules. Being a veteran of Weight Watchers, this is hardly a challenge for me. I KNOW THE RULES -- I just don't follow them!! However, I was shocked to see how many people would bring up their meal plans and they were scrutinized and corrected. I kept thinking -- am I missing something here? I must have looked over mine 10 times before I got the courage to bring it up. I just knew Noelle would take one look at it and start picking it apart. Nope, she looked at it declared it was very good and that was it. I felt a little justified - I DO know the rules. Now I need to get myself to follow them.

Another part of our meetings is that we need to create three goals -- Nutritional, Physical, and Behavioral. These goals should be specific and realistic and will be reviewed for progress at my next meeting.

My goals are as follows:

Nutritional: I will bring a balanced healthy lunch from home at least 4 days a week.
Physical: I will work out (walking, exercise tape, dancing, swimming or using the gym) at least 3 times a week for at least 1/2 an hour each time.
Behavioral: I will plan at least one physical activity with the kids every weekend - hiking, walking, dancing, yoga, swimming, playing ball, playing - instead of being sedentary.

So, all in all not a lot of drastic changes -- I need to:

• Be mindful of what I am eating and take in between 1200 and 1500 calories a day.
• Keep a food log
• Wear my pedometer and track my steps working up to 10k a week
• Work to achieve my monthly goals.

So far so good -- I brought my lunch and having a Fiber One Apple Strusel bar (soooo good) for breakfast. Now my plan is to make a list of the healthy foods and snacks that I enjoy. I'll be heading to the grocery store tomorrow and I want to be prepared. I let the kids know that we are going to be eating differently and Tori's only request was to not make her eat Raw Carrots -- only cooked! What are some of your favorite healthy snacks?
Also -- with the winter upon us what kind of things do you like to do for physical activity? Some of the things I enjoy and have planned are tossing on some good music and dancing, Wii Fit, Exercise DVDs and OnDemand, actually using my Elliptical that's hanging out in my basement, Mall Walking, swimming at the indoor Oliver bath house, maybe taking an exercise class through CCAC, and using the exercise room here at work (so lucky to have that!!). Any other ideas for cheap/easy/indoor exercise?

Double Entendre

When I first created this blog and named it, I had intended for it to be used for photography. A place to post images, ideas, etc. What is it they say about roads and intentions? And the irony of the name. Perhaps I was too presumptive, there as well. "Not Quite Yet Focused" would have been more apropos.

So, fast forward a few months until now. Given the circumstances, my blog title is now appropriate, yet my subject matter has changed into something quite different.

I am about to embark on a journey. Yes, I realize how corny that statement is, but I am. It' a journey a long time coming, one that I've struggled with for most of my life, but one that I need to desperately make. However now is the time and I am not going to miss my chance.

On October 13th I will be meeting for the first of 6 monthly appointments that will lead up to weight loss surgery. I received a phone call today that I am indeed a candidate and can begin the program. I have already made the needed calls to insurance, met with HR of my employer and most of all, made a BIG decision. I intend to have Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass Surgery in the spring of 2010. My Surgery will be done at Magee Women's Hospital and performed by Dr. Anita Courcoulas.

Why am I going down this route? In all honesty, because I'm scared. I'm scared to die. Given my family history and the myriad of problems I have had in the last few years, I am going down a path I do NOT want to be on. I am tired of feeling this way, and I am also tired of failure when I try to diet. I will have temporary success but nothing long term or impacting enough that I can keep it off. Exercise is so difficult for me right now because of how bad my knees/hips/back/ankles feel due to all this excess weight. I enjoy it when I can do it, but I just HURT. I need to get over a hurdle here so that I see the results and I need to change and overhaul my entire lifestyle. Having a real physical restriction is, in my opinion, the best thing for me right now.

I did not come by this decision lightly. I've been reading and researching it for several years. My friend (who has had the surgery) forwarded an email to me that I sent her asking for details back in Sept 2006. I kept telling myself "I can just diet" or "I can just exercise more" clearly -- I cannot. I have talked extensively with friends and others who have had weight loss surgery. I am a member of an online support community which has been very eye opening. I have done my homework. :)

Do I think this will be easy. Oh. HELL. NO. This is no easy way out. My ass is going to work for it, and going to need a lot of support to keep me on track and not sway me from my goal. I'm one determined bitch on wheels and know I can do it, though. I intend to use the surgery as a tool to get me to that goal. It's going to be a huge help, but I'm the one in the driver seat here. My decisions and my actions are what will ultimately cause me success or failure. And I do not intend to fail. I've done enough of that on my own!! I need to be here for my amazing husband and my wonderful kids. I want to live a long, full, and ACTIVE life with them!!

This blog will serve as a journal. Not only will I documents successes and failures, along with, but also a way for me to keep track of my feelings and thoughts. This is as much a psychological metamorphasis as it is a physical one. It will also serve to help my family and friends so that they might see and understand what I'm going through both physically and mentally. I want it to also help others who might be thinking about this sort of surgery.

So, yeah, that's what's new in my world and what will likely be a huge focus for me for the next few months. I want to do this right. I WILL need your help. Please be understanding when I say "No, thank you" or "I cannot eat that". It's not about you... it's about me taking care of me. I have WAY too much to live for in this fabulous life. :)