Nine days and counting.

This morning I made the adventure to Magee and had my pre-op physical and my blood drawn. This is the last diagnostic pre-op step for me so for now I get to sit back, twiddle my fingers and wait. Well, you know, in addition to the myriad of other things in my life.


Everything went fine though. The physician, Dr Abrams was very sweet. He was so soft spoken and very gentle. I wish he took regular patients on, as his bedside manner was nothing short of impressive.


The blood work was drawn quickly and efficiently as well. They took 6 tubes of my red stuffs. This wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't been reading Blood Rites (The Dresden Files, Book 6) by Jim Butler on my Kindle  just before they came in. Ooops. Bad judgement call on the Vampire book, Jennifer. Great book though. I adore this series.


So now, I'm just hoping the rain holds off and my arm isn't sore for my shift at THD tonight!!


Oh yes... and I almost forgot the main reason for posting this!


9) STAIRS


Stairs are my nemesis. Walking up, or down is always an event for me. I hurt in places that I never knew even could hurt like this, plus I feel awkward like I'm going to tip over all the time. I've fallen so many times. I literally have to like brace myself when I go down. Going up is slightly better than down. Anyone who has been to my house knows that I have an ample amount of stairs and the ones outside of my house are all off kilter to top it off. Carrying groceries up and down is ridiculous and coming home from work after a long, physical shift is downright torturous. I always hated at my last job when I had to wait for an elevator because I was too afraid of falling down the stairs of the USX tower and being left in the stairwell for the cockroaches to attack me (this is not an exaggeration!!!)  Again -- this is an everyday thing that most people take for granted, but it's something that's been a tremendous obstacle for me.


I can't wait until I can go up and down those stairs like a CHAMP.


Look Ma! No Hands!!

10 Day Countdown!!

TEN days. Yes. TEN Days!!!  I can't believe its almost here!

Since the world loved a top 10 list, and so do I -- I'm going to do a top 10 of the things I can't wait to be able to do or do differently Post Surgery. I'll post a different one every day leading up to the surgery.

So, without  further ado...

10) Cross my legs.

This may sound crazy, but I can't wait to do this. When I try to cross my legs now, it just doesn't work right. I can't remember EVER being able to cross my legs the normal way and I can't wait to do it. It always looks so elegant and femmie. I KNOW I'm not a femmie girl, but hey I'd still like to try :)

SO there you have it... Leg Crossing. Will try to have something a little more exciting tomorrow, but that right there is a BIG one for me :)

What else has been happening? Well, I went with a wonderful friend and cheerleader who has also gone through the surgery last Friday to pick up my vitamins and minerals that I needed, and also some minor retail therapy at Gabes. I bought some MEDIUM sized clothes to have around as some goal items ;) I so can't wait to be able to wear my $7.99 GOAL dress. It's seriously cute.  While looking good is not my primary goal in this, I can't deny that I'll be happy to have a more positive self image of my body. Not to mention give my awesome husband something more tantalizing to look at  - I already know I'm hot, but I'll be a heck of a lot hotter when the outside wrappings match the inside package!! Right now, it's like putting a Tiffany scarf in a plastic wal-mart bag... ;)

Also, tomrrow have my final physical and a blood test to complete my Pre Op testing. I've never been so excited to get a blood test :P  It's the last obstacle. Then the game can really begin.

Step AWAY from the Google!

It's PERFECTLY normal that less than 2 weeks before the surgery I'm nervous. Right?

And that I'm looking up the HORRIBLE things that could happen to me?

Well.. yeah.. I went there.

BUT.. I turned it all around, too. I looked up the positive things as well. I went to my Online Support group at ObesityHelp.com and read the inspiring stories of people there, as well as other people seeing reassurance that are going through the surgery or just went through it as well.

I'm scared, but I'm also smart enough to know that what I'm doing is right.  My kids are making me feel a little guilty about this. My Daughter is scared that I might die and never come back. I've tried to explain to her that my surgeon is very skilled and that it's a very teeeeeny tiny chance that it might happen, but of course that's enough for her. And really it was enough to give me second thoughts if only for a moment as well. But I need to do this so that I can have a long happy life with her, my son, my husband. The benefits are plentiful. The odds are totally on my side here -- I'm young, active, informed, positive, have awesome strengths and willpower, a huge system of support and despite it all  -- relatively healthy. These are HUGE things in my corner.

I will be successful.

All set!

Well, the date of my surgery is all set. I can hardly believe that all of this comes down to May 27th.  Only 3 weeks away! I have one more round of blood work and a physical that's happening on 5/18. It just seems like it snuck up on me out of the blue.

The last few weeks I've been working at a popular home improvement store. Think orange aprons. I work in the gardening department. Man alive it's been a wake up call as to how out of shape I am, but also as to how resilient and strong my body is. I look forward to seeing how much my body changes and how much of my strength I retain after this.

Being there has also been inspiring for my diet. After watching countless training videos, I decided it was time for us to do something we had been wanting to do for a long time. The kids and I picked out some seeds and a mini greenhouse and planted them together. In a few days we had sprouts! Then, we built a raised bed in our back yard and supplemented the seedlings with a couple of plants we picked up at my work place as well. So now, we have green peppers, jalapenos, strawberries, cucumbers, zucchini, carrots, pumpkins and tomatoes growing out there!  I'm really excited for our crops to come in and look froward to eating something that WE grew together as a family. Really very satisfying!!

We're also looking at some other ways to change our eating. We watched Food, Inc. on PS a few weeks ago and it was a real eye opener for us. We want to support or local farmers more, choose sustainable crops, get back to eating on a more natural and organic level, and when we do have beef or pork we would like to get grass fed. We are going to need to get a deep freezer, but I think next year we will be putting our money down on part of a pig and a cow, and fill our freezer with good cuts that we KNOW the source of.  Of course this will all depend on what *I* am able to eat as well.

Aside from that -- it's been a good time. I'm excited about the surgery, but some anxiety has naturally crept in. I think I would be more concerned if it DIDN'T creep in because then I would feel like I'm looking at this through rose tinted glasses and not realistically. I think a healthy dose of reality is good for anyone in this situation. It's NOT going to be easy. It will NOT be a walk in the park. But I will embrace this with positivity and enthusiasm. The more of that I can harness the better off I will be.

It's been a long time, been a long time....

And here I am!

I successfully completed my 6 month lifestyle program in March. Since then, it's been a whirlwind of activity around me.

First, I met with my surgeon to discuss which surgery I am getting. I stuck with my original choice of RNY Gastric Bypass and that is what I will be getting. The Lap Band just isn't for me. I feel a lot more confident about my success with the RNY and also really hate the idea of a foreign object in my body for the rest of my life.

Second, I had a Psychological Eval with a wonderful woman named Linda. Linda is a counselor for Magee and she ALSO had RNY Gastric Bypass 5 years ago. Speaking with her was reassuring, inspiring and very helpful overall. I'm so happy that I had the time to talk to her. She, in all honesty, has been the best part of the program for me. She helped my confidence so much and understands why this is so important for me.

After that, I had a consultation with my nutritionist who went over what I will and will not be able to eat during my recovery. The first 6-8 weeks are by far the hardest. The first 2-3 weeks or so I will be on nothing but liquids. After a post op appointment, I will be given the go ahead to try soft pureed foods and concentrate on taking in protien either throughs shakes or other means -- greek yogurt, pureed meats, scrambled eggs, or fish. for example. That should be fun.  Especially while trying to keep hydrated. And having a stomach the size of an egg.  I think in all honest, that will be the hardest time, but will also be a huge

After about another 2-3 weeks I will move back into introducing solids into my diet. That's going to be an interesting challenge, too, as meats cannot be too dry, no high fat foods or sugars, and again... the size of an egg. :)

You would think that this would be daunting? Well, I'll admit, it is a HUGE change, but one that I'm eager to take on. I am so ready for it. I am a strong, confident, and determined girl who will face this challenge as a warrior .

After alllll of that, I also had a myriad of diagnostic tests -- chest x ray, EKG, Upper GI -- that I have completed and have been given a tentative surgery date of 5/27!!! It's so close, but so far!!  Everything has been submitted to insurance and we are just awaiting their final approval. So.. lots of positive thoughts, please!

I can only hope that my friends and family will stay strong and supportive around me. I've run into a lot of people who keep telling me that they don't think I need this surgery, they don't agree with it. I know that they love me and care about me and just want to make sure that I'm doing the right thing. Quite honestly, they really have no idea what I weigh - I do tend to carry it well and when people see my true weight do a double take.  It's not about how I look - it's how I feel  (pain in my knees, ankles, hips, back and shoulders that you wouldn't beleive) and what's going on inside (borderline diabetic, high bp, heart issues, sleep apnea, depression) of me that makes me do this. I need to be here for my husband, my kids, my mom, my family, my friends.  I'm doing everything I can to change years and years of damage -- physically and mentally -- that my poor or ill informed choices have done. Thankfully, my doctors, my health reports, my BMI, and with hope my insurance, agree with me.  I'm hoping once they see the results and see how I am happy, healthy, and not in constant pain and discomfort they will agree, too.  In the interim, they only motivate me more -- just to "prove" something, I suppose.

Will update once I get the final OK from insurance and, of course I'm sure anxiety will take it's toll at some point and I'll need to "vent" :)

Until Then...
~J

Month 4!

So .. yeah... I'm slacking, but I'm still doing well. I just had my 4th meeting and have an appointment with my surgeon on 2/8 so we can discuss what surgery I want to have and her thoughts on it as well. After that, I'll meet with a nutritionist, probably have a sleep study done, and get a psychiatric evaluation to make sure that I'm capable of handling the change in my life.

It's been a rough time though. Temptation is so hard for me to overcome. Not to mention my stress levels are through the roof lately. Lots of things happening around me that are out of my control and my coping mechanism is to comfort with food.  While I'm not gaining, I'm still not losing either. I'm trying to regain my focus again and keep things in perspective. I must do this for me, for my family. I need my old life back!!!

Meeting #1

So, last night I had my first Lifestyle meeting and way in for the GB surgery over at Magee Hospital. After some initial confusion on where I had to go, I got to the center and checked in with one of the Nutritionists, Noelle. I was given an accordion style folder and she instructed to take a seat, read through the packet, complete Module 1 and someone would be with me shortly to take my stats.

I settled in and started working on my packet which contained a weight log and goal sheet that I am to bring back monthly, a food log. a food guide, a pedometer (which is quite nice, I must admit), a few other informational sheets with the meeting schedule and contact information on them, and the infamous Module 1. I no sooner get these out of the packet and stacked in the empty chair next to me when Melinda, the other nutritionist, calls my name for weigh-in.

I walk back and I'm nervous. I don't know why. I know how much I weigh, I weighed myself the night before. She deals with people my size and much larger on a daily basis. Nevertheless that sinking feeling of confirmation that I truly am a fat person never goes away. Melinda is quick and efficient. She cracks a couple jokes with me as we finish up the rest of my information and we head back to the waiting area where I can delve into Module 1.

Module 1 is all about planning a balanced diet. Making sure you get the proper portions of food, and also the right ratios of Vegetable, Fruits, Lean Meats, Starches and Fats. My activity is to plan an ideal daily meal plan that is between 1400-1800 calories and encompasses the rules. Being a veteran of Weight Watchers, this is hardly a challenge for me. I KNOW THE RULES -- I just don't follow them!! However, I was shocked to see how many people would bring up their meal plans and they were scrutinized and corrected. I kept thinking -- am I missing something here? I must have looked over mine 10 times before I got the courage to bring it up. I just knew Noelle would take one look at it and start picking it apart. Nope, she looked at it declared it was very good and that was it. I felt a little justified - I DO know the rules. Now I need to get myself to follow them.

Another part of our meetings is that we need to create three goals -- Nutritional, Physical, and Behavioral. These goals should be specific and realistic and will be reviewed for progress at my next meeting.

My goals are as follows:

Nutritional: I will bring a balanced healthy lunch from home at least 4 days a week.
Physical: I will work out (walking, exercise tape, dancing, swimming or using the gym) at least 3 times a week for at least 1/2 an hour each time.
Behavioral: I will plan at least one physical activity with the kids every weekend - hiking, walking, dancing, yoga, swimming, playing ball, playing - instead of being sedentary.

So, all in all not a lot of drastic changes -- I need to:

• Be mindful of what I am eating and take in between 1200 and 1500 calories a day.
• Keep a food log
• Wear my pedometer and track my steps working up to 10k a week
• Work to achieve my monthly goals.

So far so good -- I brought my lunch and having a Fiber One Apple Strusel bar (soooo good) for breakfast. Now my plan is to make a list of the healthy foods and snacks that I enjoy. I'll be heading to the grocery store tomorrow and I want to be prepared. I let the kids know that we are going to be eating differently and Tori's only request was to not make her eat Raw Carrots -- only cooked! What are some of your favorite healthy snacks?
Also -- with the winter upon us what kind of things do you like to do for physical activity? Some of the things I enjoy and have planned are tossing on some good music and dancing, Wii Fit, Exercise DVDs and OnDemand, actually using my Elliptical that's hanging out in my basement, Mall Walking, swimming at the indoor Oliver bath house, maybe taking an exercise class through CCAC, and using the exercise room here at work (so lucky to have that!!). Any other ideas for cheap/easy/indoor exercise?